life's funny twists.

Sometimes I just don't understand certain things. I think I know what I am suppose to be doing, then I get hit with a curve ball and things change direction. I am usually use to it, just not this time.

Age

So what happens when you have a birthday, and you really feel old? I personally get more gray hairs, end up with more children, work to much, don't get enough sleep, and get a surprise birthday party from a wonderful husband.

Children and Joy

It sure is nice to have the moment of genuine happiness. My son is home for awhile, my daughter just went to a Dad/Daughter date and looked great. She had a wonderful time. It just feels good to have them home. It feels good to receive joy from my children. It makes it worth it, all the bad times just slip away.

Late night

Why is it that nights when you can't sleep you think about the past? All the mistakes made, all of the hurtful situations, and you come up with good ideas that are forgotten by morning.
I try not to, but my dependency is in high gear at 1 a.m. onward. I hate it. I need more bubble bath I think. OK I will admit I have been sick for the last two weeks......but you would think my body would want sleep. I know I do. LOL

I went for a job interview. I really hope I get it. I am not good at being a Stay-at-home mom. I am a better working mom. I get more done then. Now I am just feeling Lazy. I put it off until tomorrow. I really need to work. The finances are hitting us hard. Not having any, that is.
I have no patience right now either. I am having a downtime. Looking forward to the hopeful Uptime coming.

Illegal persons "Legal Offspring"

I am sick and tired of Illegal immigrants coming into this country, having children and bring up those children to be Gang members. Take your violent back to the Mother Land from which you came. Apparently these Parents are as stupid as the children they gave birth to. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I am tired of my hard earned tax dollars paying for them to live here, and clean up after their children's stupidity. I bet more tax dollars are spent to "Help" the illegals then for hard working honest "Legals" to survive. How many homeless Veterans do we have roaming the streets because they can't get the help they need? Yet the wonderful Illegals are making a fortune by taking real jobs away from regular American, and the Illegals are getting paid under the table. So of course they dont pay taxes, WE DO. Do you know how many "Visitors" have better cars then I do, yet they are the ones in line for free food from the local Food Banks.
My Daughter is the minority in her class and school, yet we get no extra help that the "REAL MINORITY"'s get. We are the white minority. Apparently we have more rights, so we have to pay for the Illegal visitors and their offspring, because THEY are the minority.
They choose to stay "poor" so they can live off other peoples "good charity". They choose not to do the right thing and go back, and try to do it legally. They choose to lie and steal and cheat real legal people out of their money. They choose to be dishonest, and because of this HONEST people have to suffer and pay.

Honestly I am all for Immigration, after all this is what our country was founded on. (Besides taking over the Native American Nations. Which should have been done differently.) Everyone should have the right to Worship how they choose, and to have the right to live without FEAR.
This is not our Country today though. People from other country's are coming here illegally, and bringing their wars with them. This is ridiculous! We need to take our Country back and as Citizens stand up for truth and our Rights!

The reason for this posting: My Van was "tagged" by a local Gang. I have decided to whatever I can to have them punished and pay for my van. They tagged it, which says to me they want to buy it from me. Great, they can now pay me the purchase price! I will take each and every gang member I can name and find, and SUE their happy little asses. $5,000.00 each will do nicely. I will be going to each news station and hounding them until someone will report this story.

I am past the "fear" stage of gang's. I am now pissed. And there is nothing like a woman scorned, who has pent-up anger, from being a domestic violence victim, and is ready to leash out at the idiots who just ruined my van!!! They had better pay up quick, because I am just crazy enough to go ballistic if they give me any further problems!

Did you know that an Illegal person has a better chance at getting a loan for school and starting their own business then my children do? Why? Because THEY are the minority. There are more Government programs and Charity programs out there to help THEM, then there are for my kids. We spend more money on their offsprings in the court systems, then we do on any other "Statistic".

Why cant we come up with an "Illegal Immigrant Tax", where they can start paying "Rent" to the State be them to be here. They "Illegal Immigrant" keep lobbying in front of the Court Houses and at the Capitol for "RIGHTS", lets give them one....A Tax just for them! Shall we say $30.00 a day, pay in cash daily? Bann the Charity's from assisting them until they have lived here say...2 years, not being late on rent? Bann them from any Government Assistance for at least...2 years? That way they can prove that they can be USEFUL members of Society and support themselves. And During those 2 years they are to pay normal taxes also just like real legal Americans also.

I am not a Racist, or Prejudice. I am just sick and tired of dishonest people -- no matter what race, color, or nationality -- taking advantage of other people. And having no respect for what this Country is all about. Freedom. Freedom to have an honest job, earn an honest pay, worship how they believe, and own their own land, home, security. And just be able to have the Freedom to choose. And have the Freedom from FEAR!!!!!!!
I have the right to stand-up and fight for what is mine. I have the right to fight for my freedoms!
I have the right to voice my opinions, and I have the right to have the Justice System work for me. I earn my place in Society...now it is their turn! THEY now owe me a new CAR!!!!!

why?

So my niece is mad at me for posting an old family photo on facebook. She is mad that i have posted it for the whole world to see. She says it is not cool., Well you know what child, then stop posting all of your other photos on FB. What is the point if you can not share your life with family and friends. Don't get mad at me, just because you dont like the way you look in the photo. All of the other family members are getting a kick out of it. Take a chill pill and get a sense of humor!

None

Ya know it is really sad when old friends dont remember living with you for 2 months. I wonder if he did too many drugs and fried his brain, or was I having an alternate reality experience. Just kidding. I hope I remember all of my old friends. They were important at some point in my life, either good or bad, they were there. And I hope I don't forget.

what a day

So this has been a crazy day. Didn't feel well all day. When the 17 year old came home from school, I still didn't feel well. The baby hadn't slept all day, the four year old kept waking the baby up, no energy to get anything done.
The 17 year old went out with her boyfriend, and I figured I had better get dinner started, or I would never make it.. I looked up the stairs to the girl's room and saw a belt I had told the 17yr old to put away three days ago. I lost it. I went up stairs to see if she had even cleaned her bedroom. She had not, so I did it for her. I took three garbage bags and filled it with stuff from the floor. Just so I could walk in the room. I took the bags outside and put them in the garage, then texted the 17yr old and told her I threw her stuff out.
She came home shortly after, I told her to leave with her friends, she chose not to. Yelling went on, I still wouldn't tell her where her stuff was. She was storming around, looking for a phonebook she said. She then called the Police on me. LOL. The officer showed up and pretty much told her she had no "rights" and to be happy where she was. And told her to learn to communicate with me. All she had to do was to clean her room.
We also got in her mid-term's.....2 D's. Mom not happy. So by the end of the day she lost her phone, all internet access (she blocked me on facebook), and all other fun privileges. This was not a good day to be a mom.

Then watching the 9pm news I found out that a guy I once dated has murdered his step-son. Talk about scary..............Thank heavens the Lord watched over me on that one.
night

Mother's day

All I am going to say is that my family tried to make me happy on Mother's day. I just really hate that day. I have ever since I was a little girl. I just hate it.
Chat more later.

fun in life taken at 14

I was talking to an old friend today. I realized a lot of my friends from along time ago don't know I was raped at 14. Yes, that really started me addiction phase. I was so confused, and abused.

The rapist? Well believe it or not it was my ex-brother-in-law Allen J. Turley. No I am not afraid of naming his name. He knows what he did, if fact he even boasted to my dad about it years later. I am no longer afraid of him or what it would do to my family. The damage has been done over and over. Time and time again. Will Turley admit it now? Nope. He and my sister started threating me when I told my local church Bishop, when I was 18. The Bishop did nothing to Turley.
My Sister turned her back on me and has never apologized for it. In fact she even called me a "whore". Funny coming from a woman who was married and pregnant from another man, and yet was in Allen Turley's bed every night.

Many times I have thought about taking Turley to court and suing him for what he did to me. I haven't decided yet. Years later I had found out that Turley had married a woman named Sharon in the LDS Temple. I have always wanted to ask Sharon Turley if she knew she married a child-rapist. If this sounds harsh to you, please remember I was 14 when he treated me like a wife, at his leasure. You ask where was your sister at the time?, well she ran off and joined the Navy. Turley had the children and needed help with child care. Since I had helped before, I was the one who was the lamb to slaughter.

Why didn't I tell after it happened the first time? I dont have an answer except that I was a child, who's fun had just been taken from her life.I didn't know to. I was scared.
I also wonder if Bishop Tovar is happy with himself for not reporting the incident to the authorities. I wonder if he has trouble sleeping at night. Probably not. He didn't seem bothered then, so why would he now.
It really is a shame that I can not really have a relationship with my niece's and nephew because of what their dad did. After all, I did sacrifice for them, and helped raise them through times in their lives.
I will forgive Turley one day, after I have seen and been given justice for what he did to me. I will forgive my sister one day for what she has done to me, once I see justice fulfilled. It will be at my choosing and the Lord's. No one else's time will suffice.

How many rape victims are out there that do not come forth? I tried, and was covered up. If you, who are reading this, has been a victim of rape, or molestation, and has not reported it to the authorities...I beg you, borrow some strength from me and take back your courage! Tell some one. Do not let it eat at you the way it did me. Do not let the dark forces win over you. The truth will set you free and give you peace, while it will eat up the guilty and place them before the Lord for justice. Their heads will hang in shame to the world.

Many years of therapy and counseling has brought me to a peaceful place with this chapter in my life. I would just like to be able to close it now. I have come to terms with my choices that came from what happened to me, and I own my consequences. That does not mean I blame myself for what happened. I was not at blame. I was not the supposed Adult in that situation. I forgot to mention that Allen J. Turley is 10 years older then I. I was 14, he was 24.
I have and will continue to heal. Turley and Sister, may the Lord show mercy on your soul for what you have done, and not done right.

Night

Murphy's law

So I am so tired and exhausted, yet when I try to go to sleep at night I suddenly have a second wind. This is becoming a joke. It's not like I can even get anything done late at night.

So my Federal funding came through for school. Now I just need to be accepted to the college of my choice. This is turning out harder then I had expected.

My four year old is driving me nuts. I can not wait for good weather so I can send him outside for a long, long time. The baby is doing much better. She is trying to stand by herself more and more. And she has another tooth coming in.

Ok so here it was has really been bugging me lately. It has taken the State Labor Commission to send a verdict to me about my last paycheck from my old employer Community Management. They have never given me my final paycheck. What makes this more frustrating is that they had the nerve to send me a W2 for taxes, saying they paid me the last paycheck. I even called them to let them know I had not received it, boy is he going to be in for a shock if the State makes him pay all that I am requesting.
What gets me is that he and his wife call themselves "good Christians", yet here they are STEALING from some one in their own church. I mean really. It is people like them that give the rest of us in our church a bad rap. And it is not like they can't afford to pay me. They have money and are not in trouble of going bankrupt anytime soon. Her going out and spending $200.00 on a shopping trip is normal for them. Whereas for me that is a rare occurrence. And I know he is doing it out of spite, just because he can. I think I shall report them to the BBB. I have already turned them in for Tax fraud. (Like the IRS is going to do anything about it...not.)

I use to want to be like them, in fact I felt like one of the family. I felt that they were part of my family. Well, they betrayed me just like some of my family members, so I guess they fit right in. I really don't want to be like them at all. In fact I owe them a thank you, for showing me what not to be. And how not to act and live my life. Isn't it funny how people show their true colors when you do something they don't like or agree with. As long as I did exactly what they told me and had the same views, I was fine. But once I started to disagree with them, and show them their mistakes, I was shunned. They created such a hostile work environment, I couldn't take it anymore. Does anyone blame me for leaving? I don't think so. Oh well, this chapter will soon be over...I hope soon.
Night.

So yesterday was a complete manic 24 hours, I totally cleaned my bedroom, and the children's playroom. I was exhausted by 6 p.m. and crashed. I didn't make it to a meeting. I will get there.
So now I am not feeling good, sorethroat, headache etc.... I think it is allergies.
You know one day I will have all of the rooms in my house clean. One day my family will help with the chores with out being told to. One day I will have no debt. (yeah ok) I can dream can't I?

So I really hate it when I am wrong. I hate being incorrect. Not out of pride or vanity, I just don't like doing things incorrectly. The good Lord seems to be humbling me more and more. I never thought I was doing so many things incorrectly, or was thinking ways incorrectly. I wonder what he is preparing me for? Mind you I always wonder what he is preparing me for. I really do get pleasure from being of service to others. And I dont do it to make myself feel good, I genuinely do it because I like to help others. So I really should be very grateful when the Lord helps me. I am sure Heavenly Fathers likes to help his children.

Next subject, what a pain it is to enroll in schooling now days. I am thinking of Paralegal. Still thinking.

I have been told to write a book

Seriously, no one would believe my life was not fiction. This blogspot will be an interesting experiment. So some times I wonder why the good Lord keeps sending me children. Is not 8 enough? We will see in time. Being a Mother in this world is one of the hardest callings a woman can have. For some women it comes naturally, me..... not so much natural.

I realize since giving birth to number 8, I really have to work at this. I think for many years I was on auto-pilot. I really don't like being a full time stay-at-home mom. I tend to procrastinate. I have noticed I get more done when I am working out of the house. I guess its more because I have to be organized and ready.

Here is a place that I can, and will be totally open and honest. Mind you I do that anyways. Most people can not handle open honesty. I am actually creating this blog on an important anniversary for myself. I have 11 years sobriety from drug and alcohol addiction. May 2nd, 1999 I entered rehab of my own free will and choice. In fact my ex-husband didn't want me to go to rehab. The excuse he gave me was "nothing will change", and he was worried what it would look like to the rest of the world. He kept telling me it was all in my head, for once he was right, he just didn't know it.
I was actually sad today for some reason. I wasn't able to celebrate my anniv. I actually started thinking very negatively about myself. Feeling worthless and very much alone. I have a feeling my family forgot what day it was. Not that there should be a party or anything. I just would have liked a "well done". Ok so I am on a pity-pot right now. I will get off it.

While trying to take a nice hot bubble bath, (we have a drain problem, it wont stop draining) I was reminded by the good Lord to count my blessings. I think I need to remind myself life could be worse. It has been worse, and honestly I really have nothing I should be complaining about.
I have a wonderful family, survived domestic violence (twice), have sobriety, addictions under management, love my religion and all that comes with it, have hope life will get better, and I am not a quitter.
I may say I give-up every now and then, but that's ok. Somethings and sometimes we do need to give up. Just as long as we don't quit trying to better our lives.

All for now, please feel free to comment. Just don't expect me to be politically correct when I respond back. By the way I do have a sense of humor. You will notice I will laugh at myself every now and then.